Jake Don't Learn

by Rodell Warner 

Jesus wanted me to know i shoulda been happy with my hands so he let the skin on my middle finger get pulled in the conveyor belt in the factory where i work and crushed and then sorta alright for a while but then they had to cut it off.

Then all i wished was for my right hand to look like my left hand again and my left hand, after that, i never thought was spotty or veiny or ugly or anything.

I walk around with my hands in my pockets a lot now. I bought a lot of hoodies and jackets with pockets on the sides in the front like that so i could just slip them in and nobody'll notice. Its the fuckin worst when i have to shake sombody's hand now or touch a girl. And they always say its okay, but that never changes anything. Its the fuckin worst. All i want now is for my right hand to look like it used to look. I wish i had a time machine.

I have a girlfriend, but i dunno what to do with her. That tune never changes. And nobody ever tells you what you're supposed to do with girls anyway. Not really. Its always "Now what?". I guess lovin Jesus wanted me to know what to do with a nice girl like that, so he made her fall in love with some fat asshole when i wasn't lookin and now they're livin together somewhere i dont know and lookin to get married or whatever. I dunno how she could pick that fat cunt over me anyway. Or fuck him. I'm sure he's the worst at it. Cunt. And whenever she answers the phone now she always finds some way to tell me about all the things he does do for her. I dunno how he does all that shit anyway. I dunno. Anyway i don't have a girlfriend anymore, but i know what to do with one.

I wish i had a time machine.

I picked up a GQ the other day. Two. I had to get them - what i really wanted was this girl magazine with this girl on the front wit the loveliest, sloppiest ass i ever saw and i had to buy it. But they put it on the shelf in a plastic case and i had to get the GQ's to sandwich it and walk to the counter without everybody seein what i was buyin. I kept tellin myself i was an adult and they have these in the store for a reason and i could easily buy it and nothing was wrong with that. I just wanted it to go smoothly. The cashier looked at me when she scanned it with the other stuff though, and when she gave me the bag and i said 'Thanks', she didn't answer.

Anyway, in Europe the men dress up all the time. Everyday. Its not like here. This place is the worst. They wear whatever they want, they do whatever they want, they look good all the time and they know what to do with everything. Women and work and everything. I was thinkin if I went i could just scrap everything and be like them. That'll be good. I could wear gloves and I wouldn't have to be here anymore doin this shit.